Dexter quote

Season 5- Episode 2

”It starts with blood. Trickling down the back of my eyelids. The trickle becomes a stream and then a flood. It fills me up…all my empty spaces. But then, the blood isn’t red anymore. It’s black. And pressing. It feels like my head is gonna explode. The only way to relieve the pressure is to open the floodgates and let it spill out.” – Dexter

I like writing and listening to Dexter at the same time. His voice is very soothing. The lack of emotion helps me find more stable mental territory, observing the frenzy that howls around the barriers of patience. My desire doesn't spawn from seeing the slow slide of blood behind my eyes. In historical shows, I might jump inside from seeing a whip draw blood, or really anything that could be used for/done with s/m purposes in mind. That's what starts the slow descent. Then fantasies hit and patience strains again. But the jolt I feel inside gives me a way to judge how solid my control remain.

 Like Dexter experiences, when I lose grip on control... it is like a flood. A flood of intense, clawing need that tears through my insides, leaving my nerves ragged as it fades. One image in my head is followed by more, a torrent of them all with the same theme. I usually draw the desire back before it starts. When I'm alone, though, my masochist lets the images continue. On and on they go until my breathing is ragged, the need for pain making me feel like I'm charged with electricity. Masochistic, submissive energy that deeply craves dominance that offers control, help that I can accept. That I can trust and surrender to. 

Scenes are forming... at least two. Off to hunt for a few images until they make their way to paper.